Written 24 - Dec 2021
First things first, I haven’t blogged about this part of my life yet. It would make sense to begin by introducing my condition, however, in my world, life is often experienced in a non-sensical non-linear fashion. My brain works randomly, that’s just how it is. I invite you to be patient and understanding.
I want to start with right now. It is 3:30 am. It is Christmas morning. I am not going to post this today. We all need some space over the next few days to be present in our own lives, in our own realities.
Where was I? Oh yes. Very early in the morning, you could say in the middle of the night. Christmas Eve.
I am in my kitchen, legs up on the sofa. I have an open plan kitchen diner with a small 2-seater sofa against one wall. All the lights in the houses opposite have been turned off. My reading lamp casts a warm spotlight along the length of the terracota wall making it glow. Everywhere else is pitch black and silent, except for the constant annoying tap-tap of water dripping in my sink.
I’ve come downstairs because I can’t sleep. There are perhaps two or more reasons why.
Insomnia could be a side-effect of starting HRT, even though the dose is very low. Note to self; read the leaflets inside the packaging.
I was having a hot flush and was uncomfortable. I am disturbed at night by them but don’t usually feel wide awake and unable to fall back asleep, (refer back to previous point.)
The last two nights, coincidentally when I started my HRT, I have experienced shooting and stabbing sensations in my body. The pain is so intense that it has woken me from sleep. I haven’t had these pains in a while. When I experience this, I simply cannot lay in bed. I have to get up.
I will refer to these sensations as fibromyalgia pain and explain them in more detail later. I do want to share my first fibromyalgia flare story, how I got diagnosed and how I have coped with living (and working full-time) with this chronic illness, in a separate post, so watch out for that if you are interested.
We all want answers to difficult things don’t we?
We want to understand why things are happening and the sensations we experience in our body and in our mind, (the two are linked by the way). That’s part of being human isn’t it?
I find, when I understand, I can more easily come to accept the reality of the situation, even if it is uncomfortable, painful even. I’m certainly not suggesting we put up with pain and suffer, I’m sharing my feelings about acceptance as a way of doing something about it and working out ways to take care of yourself.
Fibromyalgia is a complex condition. If you have it, you know what I mean. If you don’t and want to know more, then there is lot of very good information available. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/fibromyalgia/
Flare-ups can be triggered by many things. Everyday events, especially stressful ones. They can also be triggered by; a sudden change in the weather for example, too much or too little exercise, lack of sleep, I could go on. It seems rational to conclude that an influx of hormones may be having an affect.
In my experience, my flare ups, recently anyway, have not lasted that long. I’m hoping the pain over the last two nights will diminish as my body gets used to the HRT. I’m expecting it to. I’m not too worried. I’m on Christmas holidays at the moment so it’s not as if I have to get up in an hour or so and go to work. I’ll keep monitoring the situation. Watch this space.